It is never what it looks like! (the angry post with no pictures)

It's been exactly one month since I've arrived here.

I told everybody that I loved it.

But I lied!

I thought I was gonna love it!

But I didn't.

I was expected to love it here!

I felt huge pressure from anybody who has ever been here and everybody who lives in here now.

They all told me:
"YOU ARE GONNA LOVE IT. YOU ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE THAT PLACE.
YOU AGE GONNA STAY THERE FOREVER. YOU WILL SEE!"

So here I am sitting and wondering:
"What the hell is wrong with me, why am I not loving it?!?!?"

I AM SO OVER:

strawberry daiquiris

rice noddles

d-i dinners

the smell of any local food

the smell on the streets

yacht parties

huge flying cockroaches

mosquito bites all over my body

the hot hot hot humidity making you sweat

the typhoon and the rain

the air-conditioning that makes you freeze once you come in somewhere

and sweating again once you come out!

and getting sick...

People pulling trolleys 24/7 on each street, on every escalator, in any elevator!

People giving you shoulders and not saying sorry.

People stepping on your feet and not saying sorry.

People running you over with their trolleys and not saying sorry.

I am so fed up with people pretending to not understand what am I saying or to be looked down upon/ being ripped off as a non-Chinese-customer!

the Chinese "i-wanna-kill-myself-when-i hear-it-music" in each shop

ok-thank you-bye-mantra said with an even intonation by any shop assistant

the informal "obligation" to bargain for every single piece of sh** you buy...including a GYM membership

I was always trying to push myself into limits and see how far I can go.

This is it:

the limit of all limitations:

Of all humanity. Of all money. Of all fashion.

I am over the whole system.

I feel it's so not right.

Did I have to go that far,

Did I have to struggle through life and space and cultures to find out

WHO I DON'T WANT TO BECOME!

The city, the flashy lights, the amazing skyline...the whole anonymity and emotionless.

A city, where money rules above all values, moral stances and everything that counts.

People are fake.

People are so full of themselves.

OK-thank-you-bye.

It is all about brands, and fashion and looks

and faking brands

and faking looks

and faking well-being

and faking all that's real!

Here I've realized I am so

old-fashioned,

traditional

and

European

(be it an Eastern one!).

And I love it.

I am proud of it!

...

OK, enough complaining and negativity.
I know you wanna slap me in the face having to read all that!
I know you wanna tell me:

GO AWAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!
WE LOVE IT!

BUT NO!
I will stay!
I'm gonna give it some time!

Maybe it is not them, maybe it is just me!

I will try! I promise!
I am already trying...
Oh I think it even starts working...
There must be something I can LOVE here.
I will try to find out
and
keep you posted!