It's been exactly one month since I've arrived here.
I told everybody that I loved it.
But I lied!
I thought I was gonna love it!
But I didn't.
I was expected to love it here!
I felt huge pressure from anybody who has ever been here and everybody who lives in here now.
They all told me:
"YOU ARE GONNA LOVE IT. YOU ARE NOT GONNA LEAVE THAT PLACE.
YOU AGE GONNA STAY THERE FOREVER. YOU WILL SEE!"
So here I am sitting and wondering:
"What the hell is wrong with me, why am I not loving it?!?!?"
I AM SO OVER:
strawberry daiquiris
rice noddles
d-i dinners
the smell of any local food
the smell on the streets
yacht parties
huge flying cockroaches
mosquito bites all over my body
the hot hot hot humidity making you sweat
the typhoon and the rain
the air-conditioning that makes you freeze once you come in somewhere
and sweating again once you come out!
and getting sick...
People pulling trolleys 24/7 on each street, on every escalator, in any elevator!
People giving you shoulders and not saying sorry.
People stepping on your feet and not saying sorry.
People running you over with their trolleys and not saying sorry.
I am so fed up with people pretending to not understand what am I saying or to be looked down upon/ being ripped off as a non-Chinese-customer!
the Chinese "i-wanna-kill-myself-when-i hear-it-music" in each shop
ok-thank you-bye-mantra said with an even intonation by any shop assistant
the informal "obligation" to bargain for every single piece of sh** you buy...including a GYM membership
I was always trying to push myself into limits and see how far I can go.
This is it:
the limit of all limitations:
Of all humanity. Of all money. Of all fashion.
I am over the whole system.
I feel it's so not right.
Did I have to go that far,
Did I have to struggle through life and space and cultures to find out
WHO I DON'T WANT TO BECOME!
The city, the flashy lights, the amazing skyline...the whole anonymity and emotionless.
A city, where money rules above all values, moral stances and everything that counts.
People are fake.
People are so full of themselves.
OK-thank-you-bye.
It is all about brands, and fashion and looks
and faking brands
and faking looks
and faking well-being
and faking all that's real!
Here I've realized I am so
old-fashioned,
traditional
and
European
(be it an Eastern one!).
And I love it.
I am proud of it!
...
OK, enough complaining and negativity.
I know you wanna slap me in the face having to read all that!
I know you wanna tell me:
GO AWAY IF YOU DON'T LIKE IT!
WE LOVE IT!
BUT NO!
I will stay!
I'm gonna give it some time!
Maybe it is not them, maybe it is just me!
I will try! I promise!
I am already trying...
Oh I think it even starts working...
There must be something I can LOVE here.
I will try to find out
and
keep you posted!